Leaving an abusive relationship is certainly not easy and one of the hardest decisions you may have ever had to make in your life. A separation or divorce is one of the hardest things we can experience in our lives; it is a loss, and there is a grieving period.
It takes great courage and strength to put a safety plan together in order to leave an abusive relationship and takes even more courage and immense strength to actually follow through with it. It also takes great courage and strength to stay in an abusive and unhealthy relationship.
There are many layers to your recovery from an abusive relationship, such as; safety planning, legal, therapeutic, and psychological.
Our guest counsellor Janelle Lorenzini, has come up with some simple strategies to help you focus on yourself on healing your emotional well-being with an aim to rebuild your self-confidence again. Building up your self-confidence after being in an abusive relationship will take a lot of self-love and kindness but most importantly time. For some individuals it could take a few months and for others years and that is OK. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, the most important thing is that over time you are healing even if the progress is slow; it is still progress.
You may still feel helpless, anxious, scared, hurt and overwhelmed. These feelings are completely normal but it is important that you stop and reflect on the courage and strength it took for you to make a decision to leave the relationship, and create a new path for yourself. It may be an overwhelming time with a million things rolling around in your head on how to pick yourself up off the floor and continue to go forward in life. However, you my dear have already come so far, even though it may not feel like it right now, you can do this.
Below are some tips on how to rebuild your self-confidence once leaving an abusive relationship, or experiencing a separation or divorce:
- Start a journal – Write down all your feelings and thoughts on a daily basis. This is a good way to express yourself without internalising your emotions and a way of release.
- Be kind to yourself – Light candles, listen to beautiful music, take a bubble bath, paint your nails, read a good book and most importantly do the things you enjoy even if they were things you weren’t allowed to do in the past. Reclaim those small joys in life. This is a form of self-care and it is extremely important in rebuilding self-confidence. Acknowledge when you do things that make you feel happy- feel the freedom and the new sense of safety to do things that you want to do.
- Connect with a support group – For some individuals connecting with others who have been in a similar situation emphasises you are not alone. By openly connecting with others in a similar situation can really help with the step towards recovery. Support groups are a safe, supported and confidential environment where you can learn skills to cope and rebuild your life.
- Positive Affirmations – Find positive quotes/affirmations that put a smile on your face or make you smile on the inside. Positive quotes that lift you up such as “I am worthy of my dreams” “ I accept myself unconditionally right now” “I am always enough” , “I am worthy” and the list goes on.
Affirmation Cards by Janelle Lorenzini
Pick an affirmation that resonates with you and twice a day during the morning and night, say the affirmation to yourself in the mirror, emphasising on the “I”. It might seem stupid right now, but the more you actively practice this, the more you are talking to your subconscious mind and over time you will change your thoughts, especially about the way you see yourself and feel about yourself.
- Forgive yourself – Remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault. Every individual deserves to be treated with upmost respect. It is important to let go of the feelings of guilt towards yourself as part of the healing process and to rebuild your self-confidence. As mentioned above the positive affirmations can help with this but it does take time.
- Be Kind – One of the most important things is to be kind to yourself. If you are having a day where you cannot see the bright side of things, allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to go through the different emotions you are experiencing and don’t constantly be at tugger ware with your thoughts and set unrealistic expectations on yourself. Like anything it does take time, some days are better than others and it really is OK.
If certain feelings have been lingering for days and months on end and you cannot seem to shake it, it might be best speaking to your GP.
There are many holistic services that you can work with, to help you with your overall recovery.
We work holistically with counsellors, psychologists, child psychologists, women’s centres, and domestic violence services- we will work together to help your road to recovery.
If you would like to separate respectfully and peacefully and are looking for family law or domestic violence legal advice and options or family mediation services, send me an email info@cleonlegal.com.au to arrange an Initial Consultation, or you can contact us here
