Helping you sort out which parent is taking the kids to footy practice.
I want to help you create parenting arrangements for you and the kids after separation and divorce. Something as minor as not knowing who will take the kids to footy training, can cause you to feel stressed, overwhelmed, worried, and confused. You are not alone. Let’s fix this for you.
During your relationship, was it the case that you and your former partner could not communicate properly? Did you accuse your partner of not listening to you? Was part of the relationship breakdown a lack of trust, communication, and disagreement about everything, especially the children?
If yes, then I am not surprised that you are now having trouble in communicating with your former partner (i.e. the kids’ other parent). Life now feels more intense and chaotic for you – life feels unpredictable, unstable, and up to chance. You ask yourself “wasn’t the point of separating to create a better life, and more predictability, and stability in my life?”
Unfortunately now that you are separated or divorced, you are experiencing life and your feelings at a more heightened level. Life feels absolutely chaotic. You and your former partner are communicating through email and text. You feel anger and resentment towards your former partner. Communication is poor. You feel attacked. Misunderstood. You are unsure when the kids are due to see the other parent next. You try to make plans through text messages, however, the other parent, quickly changes their mind- you feel as if the kids are being used as a pawn to get back to you… to make your life more chaotic… to punish you. Ahhhh. I feel stressed just writing this! This is not a nice feeling at all.
You cannot continue living like this. It is not good for the children to not know whether or not they are spending time with mum or dad this weekend. It is confusing for them. They ask themselves “do I have to do my homework at mum or dads this weekend?” Or “who is taking me to footy training this week?” Life is unpredictable and uncertain. You do not know if you can accept an extra shift at work on the weekend, or make time to go out with your friends. Nothing is set in stone.
This needs to change. It is making you and the children so anxious. The household is on edge. Everyone is irritable, confused and anxious. No one knows if they are coming or going.
You do not need to go through this alone. You can have piece of mind after separation and divorce. You and the children do not need to experience this intense chaos.
If you are experiencing these symptoms of family breakdown, it sounds like you need a plan, and something structured. Something written and agreed upon. A written document that makes life more predictable, and structured. A document that will help you live a life so you know if you can take that extra shift at work on the weekend, or so you know which parent is taking the kids to their dance lesson and footy practice.
Divorce and separation does not have to be this chaotic. You can create the experience you want.
I love helping my clients create a plan that helps them live a much more stress free life – to help them create routine and predictability.
There are many ways you can achieve stability and predictability, such as: through a mediation where you can create a written agreement, which can become a Parenting Plan or Consent Orders, we can negotiate with the other parent or their solicitor to help you reach a Parenting Plan or Consent Orders, we can help you appoint a Family Therapist/ Psychologist, to meet with you and the other parent and assess the dynamics and make recommendations to help the family come up with a plan that you want and to prepare a Family Report, and if all else fails, an Application to the Court for Family Law Orders. You have options. It is best to sort things early on in your separation or divorce, to minimise stress, and tension, and to ensure both you and your children experience a life that you all deserve.
