The end of a marriage is never easy on adults, but when there are high levels of conflict and tension between parents, it’s crucial to be proactive to protect your children, after separation or divorce. The steps you take today can have a lasting impact. Note: what we are talking about here, is not children who are being exposed to family violence, or who are being abused- these are entirely different circumstances, and are not the focus of this blog.
So what should you be looking out for?
Children in hostile, high-stress divorce situations are often forced to become more independent and sort through feelings of insecurity and anxiety regarding their newly divided family. When put in the middle of their parents’ conflict, these children are also more likely to feel drained, depressed, and withdrawn from one or both parents.
We often hear of one or both parents engaging in damaging behaviours like asking children to relay hostile messages to the other parent, demeaning or putting down the other parent in the child’s’ presence or encouraging children to hide information. Unfortunately, these initial behaviours can continue even after the divorce is finalised, so it’s important to address it early.
If you or your children are experiencing these behaviours, it is essential that you take action. You can support your child through this time by providing a safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns to you. Where it’s safe to do so, maintaining a positive bond with siblings and the other parent can also have a tremendously positive effect on your child’s development and well-being.
If communication between you and your partner has broken down, consider using a third-party mediator to discuss how you can both best support your children. It’s much healthier to prevent your child from witnessing the conflict between parents rather than having to deal with the fallout. Often an independent third party can make progress that you and your partner might struggle to make on your own.
And finally, don’t forget your own support network. Your kids rely on you, so make sure you look after yourself. Friends and family can help, as well as organisations like Relationships Australia, who provide courses, groups, and programs dedicated to supporting families and children of separated parents. The Family Relationship Advice Line is another helpful resource for families who are experiencing and struggling with high levels of conflict between parents. You can also contact us to gain the best legal guidance and support through this time.
Chrissy Leontios is a Family lawyer specialising in domestic violence, family law, and mediation services and is the Founder of boutique law firm CLEON Legal and Mediation Services. Her mission is to promote access to justice in a dynamic, flexible, and modern way. An accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, Chrissy has been a finalist in a number of prestigious law awards and offers one of Queensland’s only online legal advisory services, improving access to quality legal advice amongst regional Australians. She prides herself on delivering excellent personal, empathetic, and excellent legal outcomes for our clients.
