Approaching your family law matter proactively, rather than reactively
After you (and your children) have escaped and survived domestic and family violence, you may unfortunately be faced with another set of challenges and obstacles (which we say in no way to deter you from making the decision to leave a violent or abusive relationship, but rather, an observation of what can occur after separating from this type of relationship.) You may continue to experience ongoing safety concerns (you may wish to consider if you would like to apply for a Protection Order), you could be thinking about the children and how they see and spend time with the other parent (this decision will be a difficult one if you have safety concerns for yourself or the children).
Leaving a violent relationship is courageous, and is considered one of the most unsafe times for women. The unfortunate irony of escaping a violent and abusive relationship, is that violence and abuse can still exist and occur post- separation, and it can manifest in many different ways: one way that we see all too frequently is your former partner using the court system, the threat of obtaining lawyers, or threats to take the child/ren away from you, and threatening to label you as a “bad parent”. These types of threats can manifest into you feeling anxious, and a feeling like things are out of control, and you feeling vulnerable that something bad may happen, and causing stressful thoughts, such as you could begin worrying about receiving correspondence from your former partner’s lawyers, being served with court documents, or fearing that the children could be put into an unsafe situation. We acknowledge that these fears are reasonable, valid, and unfortunately too common. Know that you are not alone. We hear and see these dynamics at play often, and we are experienced in helping you navigate these fears, and quashing these fears by taking action and making considered plans and strategies, after receiving our legal advice.
If you are leaving a relationship where there has been domestic and family violence, you probably felt controlled, had little to no say in the relationship, and experienced a relationship dynamic that was not equal. We often hear clients express things like they did not feel they were fully participating in their own lives, but rather responding to life, and unfortunately did not feel independent and in charge of their own lives.
After making the decision to leave a violent and abusive relationship, safety is the main priority. Once you are safe, you can begin thinking about what you want your future to look like.
Obtaining domestic violence advice and/ or family law legal advice early into your separation and/or escaping a violent and abusive relationship is very important. When you work with us, our plan is for you to feel that you have a sense of control, and that you are in the driver’s seat, and we love to help you minimise the fear of the unknown, by helping you create some of the knowns.
As part of our goal planning with you, we want you to feel that you are in control and you are the person setting the goals and agendas for what you want your personal and family life to look like and be like. We will be right there with you, providing advice, support, and empowerment. Ultimately, we will be providing you with different options, and empowering you to make a decision in which way you want to proceed. As your future Domestic Violence and/ or Family Lawyers we see our role as giving you alternative options, and for us to understand the different issues play, such as trauma, power and control, safety, psychological, emotional and family dynamics.
We want to help you feel empowered so you feel that you can make plans and drive your future. We want to help you take proactive steps, rather than you feel like you are responding or reacting to your former partner, or your former partner’s legal representatives. It certainly would feel scary for you to receive correspondence or court documents from your former partner, or former partner’s lawyer– this feeling may be a similar feeling to previous feelings of being controlled again, and feel that former partner is again calling the shots. How does it make you feel to imagine you are the one driving the process, proposing a plan about the children, or proposing a mediation or a resolution process, or you being the person initiating court proceeding? Does the thought of that make you feel relieved? We want you to feel empowered and take action rather than waiting anxiously for what may happen in terms of legal proceedings and requests about the children. By you taking the first steps, you can feel that you are being proactive, rather than reactive, and for you to gain a sense of purpose and control about your safety, family, and children.
There is no one size fits all in family law. Your personal story is so important, in assessing how your legal matter will run. We put ourselves in our individual client’s shoes, and we consider what it is our client would like help with, and we consider the following to be important for our clients.
1. Goals;
2. Legal advice;
3. A plan;
4. A pathway to follow;
5. Support;
6. A personalised solution your own unique set of legal and safety issues.
We do not, and will not, just give you a textbook type of answer without actually hearing your particular story; each client story is different. Every family is different. This means that each plan to resolve your legal issue must be unique and must be applied specifically to your set of problems; we take great pride in getting to know each of our clients, so we can work with each different individual, to create an individual response. When we apply the law to your individual facts and circumstances, this means we can start to be creative, and think outside the box, and with you, come up with a plan, to help you set goals identifying your goals for your safety, and about your children’s lives, and then create a pathway for us to use, to guide the process for us to move your matter forward to achieve your plan and goals.
If you are reading this, and this resonates and it feels like we are talking about your life, then we would love to work with you, and come up with an individual plan for you. If you work with us, we will put you in the centre of the process , and you will be in the driver’s seat driving the process, and we will be right there next to you, helping you drive and navigate the course.
