If you are experiencing a separation or divorce, it may feel as if you are broken – your life as you once knew it is no more, your hopes and dreams of a “happily ever after” have dissipated. But you must remember that you are whole; you have always been whole, and you are still whole even after your separation or divorce.
Separation and divorce does not need to leave you feeling hateful, resentful, vindictive, and personally and financially deflated.
I am here to tell you that ‘family law’ does not need to be a dirty word.
If you practice self-awareness, self-care and love for yourself, positive communication with your former spouse, build a supportive team around you (positive family and friends, and supportive professionals, such as a psychologist, counsellor, family mediator, or family lawyer (caveat- be weary of family lawyers who do not support their clients to experience a peaceful and respectful separation or divorce) and a commitment to better and happier outcomes for your family, then you can have a better separation and divorce experience compared with all those horror stories that your friends and family have experienced (those types of separations and divorce that were nasty, bitter, vindictive, and very expensive!)
- Make a conscious decision to separate respectfully and peacefully. The whole point of separating or divorcing is to put an end to something that no longer works for you. A self- reflective question you can ask yourself “If I do not want to be with this person any more, and my relationship/marriage was not working, why would I want to perpetuate more unhappiness/ arguments/ fighting/ bitterness?” Release yourself from the unhappiness. A separation and divorce can mark a new and positive time in your life. Embrace it!
- Believe that your separation and divorce can be different to all the horror stories you have heard. It does not need to fit within the template of “bitter, hateful, and expensive divorce”.
- Repeat after me. “I am whole. I always have been, and always will be.”
- Build a beautiful and supportive team around you. I love when clients talk about me as part of their “team”- this makes my heart smile. Remember, you are the average of the five closest people you surround yourself with. Do you want to spend time with negative people who perpetuate hatred, anger, and bitterness about your former spouse and relationship? Will this serve you at all? My answer is that it will not. It will fuel your anger, impair the part of your brain that helps you make rational decisions, and will likely cause you to end up in the family law court system. Instead, surround yourself with people that positively support you, validate your feelings, elevate your thoughts to a better and higher place, and encourage you to be a better version of yourself. This support team may include professionals, such as psychologists, counsellors, a family mediator who can help you reach positive outcomes – such as parenting arrangements or a property split, a family lawyer who is committed to practising law with heart and compassion- and can help you negotiate and encourage you and your former spouse to settle out of court- using non-litigious options, such as negotiation, collaborative meetings, and positive communication. If you decide that you wish to engage a family lawyer, it is best if both you and your former spouse can choose your own lawyers together- so that you can both have family lawyers who are committed to keeping you out of court, saving you money, and helping you have a successfully peaceful and respectful separation.
- Avoid “bulldog/pit-ball lawyer” types (aka- those lawyers who display aggressive and spiteful tactics and practices). This style of lawyering will not help you or your spouse if you want a peaceful and respectful separation. This type of lawyer will fuel the fire, and make your separation adversarial, and cause your legal fees to sky-rocket. Only in very limited and discrete situations should court be your first option. If your lawyer does not discuss non-litigious alternatives to you, then I recommend re-thinking who you have on your “team”.
- Make beautiful new memories.
- Do not live in the past.
- Let go.
- Read beautiful books.
- Repeat after me “I am a conscious creator. I control my destiny and future. My past no longer controls me. I am free from a relationship that did not serve my higher good; I release it, and I am grateful for the time I now have since releasing my former relationship- so many positive experiences await me.”
- Practice transformative communication with your former spouse; this includes: listening, empathising with hurt feelings, and acknowledging wrongs committed. This is part of your healing; don’t listen to your ego.
- Make time for all the things you did not have time for during your relationship. However, if you live in the past, and harbour anger and bitterness then you are still denying yourself the opportunity to do the things you did not have time for during your relationship, and you will deny yourself to be open to meeting new people, and experiencing new blessings, and experiences.
Contact Us
If you would like to separate respectfully and peacefully and are looking for family law legal advice and options or family mediation services, send me an email info@cleonlegal.com.au to arrange an Initial Consultation, you can contact us here.
Whilst I am based in North Queensland, I offer virtual services- it does not matter where you are in Australia, you deserve quality legal advice and support, and I can offer this to you. I am committed to reaching as many people as possible to create amazing and profound outcomes in the legal profession. In order to do my work which is my calling, I need to work beyond Townsville and North Queensland. It is my dream to serve you.
Chrissy Leontios is the Principal Lawyer and Mediator of www.cleonlegal.com.au. She is a passionate family lawyer, family mediator, and domestic violence lawyer. She practices empowerment coaching with her clients, and is committed to practising law differently to achieve better outcomes for clients.
