At the European Domestic Violence Conference held in Oslo, Norway, we attended in 2019, we were so privileged to hear Ms Heidi Rankin speak about “Multiple Pathways to Harm: What’s the impact on children if they weren’t in the home during the incident.” Ms Rankin is from the Safe & Together Institute, in the United States. This training will also be delivered in Australia, so we highly recommend you check it out, if you are working in the family law, domestic violence, or child safety systems. Upon reflecting on the messages shared by Ms Rankin, we feel it is important to share. Some of the key take away messages were:
1. A parent using domestic violence against another parent
A parent using domestic violence against another parent, not only impacts on that parent – it is a parenting choice to use violence (we love this re-frame of identifying it as a parenting choice, because it acknowledges how domestic and family violence impacts on children, period). When we see it as a parenting choice, our response to addressing domestic and family violence in legal matters changes. In Chrissy’s view, all too often we hear and experience the following type of rhetoric in the family law system: “The violence was used against the mother, not the children, and the children were not impacted by the violence, and therefore, the children are not at risk.” This is an entirely incorrect approach. All violence used against another parent is a parenting choice, and impacts on the children, whether or not they directly or even indirectly see or experience the violence. We will talk more about this further down.
2. Domestic and family violence impacts on child and family functioning
This approach extends the typical approach of assessing whether a child has been exposed, or indirectly exposed to violence. This analysis looks at the actual impact on child and family functioning. For example, a parent’s choice to financially control the other parent, by limiting access to finances, impacts on the child and family functioning, because the child is directly impacted if a parent does not have access to funds. This could impact on a child having access to food, money for school expenses, nappies, and can cause poverty for the child. This is a direct example of how domestic and family violence impacts on children, even if children do not see the violence, and extends our understanding of being exposed, even indirectly. A parent’s behaviour to be financially controlling, impacts on the children and family, and therefore, it is not only violence against the other parent, because the impact is greater than that – it impacts on the whole family, and is therefore a parenting choice and decision.
3. Assessing a perpetrator’s patterns of behaviours
Assessing a perpetrator’s patterns of behaviours is very insightful and presents a bigger picture of behaviours, and ongoing patterns of behaviours (which can help us argue about risks, etc). It is not sufficient to ask single and simplistic questions, such as: “was there physical abuse” or “was there verbal abuse”. By assessing patterns of behaviours, we can see a much bigger picture to controlling and coercive behaviours. Asking broader questions, such as “tell me about how your day starts- talk me through the day”, can be telling, and creates a space for a narrative to be told, and it is more likely that you can begin to assess a pattern of behaviours, particularly behaviours that are dominant, coercive, and controlling.
4. Children need to be safe
Children need to be safe and to feel safe – these are two different things for children.
5. Focus of facts, patterns and behaviours
Focus on facts, patterns, and behaviours to really unpack coercive and controlling behaviours. The training and analysis tools presented were so invaluable, informative, powerful, and enlightening. We hope that all professionals working in the family law system receive this type of training in their careers. The tools used in this training extend beyond our usual understanding of children being exposed to domestic and family violence – it extends our knowledge base. We hope these take away messages resonate with you, as much as they did with us. Walking a client through this, and using a domestic and family violence lens, is hard work, takes time, and is difficult work, but the results are worth it. This is deep and analytical work, but totally worth it, when we keep women and children safe.
