Divorce isn’t easy for anyone. Children can experience some strong emotions brought about by a divorce and it’s natural to want to protect them.
When going through a divorce or separation, children often experience feelings of anxiety, stress and insecurity. Children may ask questions like “What is going to happen to me next?” “Who will take care of me?” and “If my parents can lose love for each other, can they lose love for me?” No parent likes to see their child upset but remember these questions and emotions are totally natural.
Parents can support their children by offering them a safe space to express their emotions to adjust to the separation. How you can best do this will depend on the age of your child and the degree of conflict and tension between the parents, and your utmost commitment to not involve the children in the conflict, divorce, separation, or any family law proceedings. To help you better understand your child’s needs, we’ve grouped key observations, tips and warning signs based on age.
Newborn – 2 Years Old
Young children can become anxious and unnerved if they are separated from their primary carer or by major changes in their routine. To ease the transition on your small child, we recommend that parents maintain a routine as much as possible and reaffirm family ties through photos around the house, for children around the 2 year old bracket.
Ages: 2.5 – 5 years old
Children in this age range are still too young to really communicate their feelings, so they might show their distress through changed sleeping habits, toilet habits or regressing in their language skills. Your child may be sensitive to criticism about either parent so keep your language positive, especially about the other parent.
Kids under 5 also have a less developed idea of time and days.
Keeping a calendar that highlights upcoming days for each parent to work with, can provide comfort and peace of mind to your young one, and to create security and stability.
Ages: 5 – 8 years old
From about 5 years old, your child might be able to talk to you about their feelings. It’s not unusual for a child to express an intense wish for their parents relationship to be restored. It might not always be easy to hear but it’s important your child feels listened to. They are also more aware of time spent away from each parent and can be upset and reluctant to leave when “time is up”. Try to give your child a safe outlet for his or her emotions, while remembering that children shouldn’t be responsible for making arrangements to see their other parent. Never put the responsibility on the child to make decisions about which parent they spend time with.
Ages: 8 – 12 years old
Children in this age range often find it tricky to balance allegiance and loyalty between their parents. In cases where conflict or tension between parents is high, children may cope by rejecting one parent or badmouthing one parent to the other. Children at this age are beginning to socialise outside of the family through sporting events or extracurricular programs so it is important to continue encouraging these activities, regardless of which parent takes them.
Whatever their age, identifying your child’s needs in the early stages can significantly and positively impact their long-term development. If you feel you need help, consider reaching out to resources such as Relationships Australia. We also encourage you to contact us to gain the best legal guidance and support through this challenging time.
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If you would like to separate respectfully and peacefully and are looking for family law or domestic violence legal advice and options or family mediation services, send me an email info@cleonlegal.com.au to arrange an Initial Consultation, you can contact us here
Whilst I am based in North Queensland, I offer virtual services- it does not matter where you are in Australia, you deserve quality legal advice and support, and I can offer this to you. I am committed to reaching as many people as possible to create amazing and profound outcomes in the legal profession. In order to do my work which is my calling, I need to work beyond Townsville and North Queensland. It is my dream to serve you.
Chrissy Leontios is a Family lawyer specialising in domestic violence, family law, and mediation services and is the Founder of boutique law firm CLEON Legal and Mediation Services. Her mission is to promote access to justice in a dynamic, flexible, and modern way. An accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner, Chrissy has been a finalist in a number of prestigious law awards and offers one of Queensland’s only online legal advisory services, improving access to quality legal advice amongst regional Australians. She prides herself on delivering excellent personal, empathetic, and outstanding legal outcomes for our clients.
